The Earl & The Thief
By William Hulce of House Hulce
This poem was an entry in the contest of bards held between the people of Cornwall and the rest of Albion during peace talks early in 1106. It satirises events in The Greenwood almost a year earlier when Earl Tylendal of The Hunters challenged Puck’s claim to be an ancestor, and the sprite was forced to flee. It is believed that the writer had a distinct agenda and that the poem is a deliberate attempt to glorify both Earl Tylendal (the writer’s feudal lord) and “Jack Of The Green”; the trickster aspect of The Hunter ancestor. Some reports suggest that an emissary of Puck was amongst the audience when it was performed and, whilst words were exchanged, Puck was sufficiently amused not to visit any sort of vengeance upon the writer.
| Library Archivist Spring 1106 |
Come with me to the Greenwood
Where our story is begun
The tale I tell is one of Puck
And Gloucester’s favourite son
Of Jack who was forgotten
And the thief who stole his place
And of the day the trickster’s smile
Was wiped from off his face
Young Puck is sly and quick of wit
And devious of mind
With tiny horns and evil grin
And goats arse stuck behind
Though all he sought was simple fun
Puck’s humour is … well … odd
So off he skipped with playful glee
Pretending he’s a god
Now in those woods there lived an elf
Not slight or sly or fair
A real, live elf prop forward
Who liked to wrestle bear
A man of will, a man of faith
Tylendal was his name
And The Hunter had forewarned him
Of Puck’s deceitful game
Well up bounced Puck and saw the elf
And made a cunning plan
“How much more power could I amass”
“If worshipped by this man?”
“I’m great” lied Puck, “I’m diligent”
“Hardworking and I’m true”
“And if you bow before me”
“Think what I can do for you”
Tylendal thought a moment
Said “I think I must decline”
“You’re mad, or drunk or something”
“Stolen too much goblin wine”
“What power you have you stole” he said
“Betrayed The Hunter’s trust”
“The only thing you’re god of”
“Is sheep-related lust!”
“The Hunters time has come and gone”
“It’s my turn now” Puck cried
“I’ll form my own damn trinity”
“That no one can divide”
“I think you’d better leave” said Ty
“And keep your foul mouth shut”
“Or Hunter be my witness”
“I will kick your goaty butt”
Then in a rage Puck screamed and lept
A ball of horns and hair
A swift hoof to the ‘earldom’
Nearly robbed Ty of an heir
But dodging swift the elf replied
He took Puck by the throat
And just as he had promised
Kicked the satyr up his goat!
“No more, no more” the sprite did cry
“Have mercy now I beg”
And fled back into shadow
With his tail between his legs
And all the world was bright again
And Jack looked on an smiled
For though man had forgotten
He’d been watching all the while
Now if we spirits do offend
Think only it a dream
But never take the word of Puck
You don’t know where he’s been!
And if you see Tylendal
Do be sure to buy him beer
… for that’s the Hunter’s chosen
… and the man who taught Puck fear
