Bear Exposure?

There is a question troubling Erdreja that can
not longer be ignored. For too long have we
been kept in the dark on this particular
conundrum, and it high time that the truth
came to light – what DO our esteemed
Caledonian friends keep under their kilts? This
is a question that I know we have all pondered
late into the night. Well friends, wonder no
more because The Tease has some high quality,
100% accurate* speculation to share with you.
The most likely thing that a Bear keeps under
his kilt is an angry battle-haggis. We all know
that haggis are small furry creatures that live in
the highlands of Caledonia. They are extremely
territorial, and when trained, can be extremely
useful in the art of combat. The last time we
had a gentleman from the Bears in our fabulous
establishment, this member of our editorial
staff couldn’t resist but to sneak a peek. There
was indeed something very furry beneath the
kilt which I can only assume was the fabled
battle-haggis. Luckily our friend had this one
under control or it could have been a massacre!
Another possibility is that there is a complete
set of bagpipes under there. Do a good job of
giving them a blow and they’ll play a delightful
tune. Careful on the squeezing action.
It is rumoured that under the kilt could possibly
be the location of The Diamonds. The Militia
still have not found them, could they be hiding
in the tartan clad nether regions of our
linguistically challenged brothers?
Or could it be possible that they are keeping
the heir to the Pendragon throne under there?
There’s got to be one somewhere!
Excalibur. Who knows where this priceless
artefact is from minute to minute? Not the
Harts that’s for sure.
Unintelligible gibberish ye ken? Whit like are
ye? I’m naebad mesel’, ye wee bampot. Yer
bum’s oot the windae, haud yer wheesht, awa’
an bile yer heid. Here’s tae us, wha’s like us? Gey
few, an’ they’re a’ deid.
The Wellspring of Evil, has anyone seen that
Rain. Just so much rain. Send boats!
Last but by no means least, we have a very
plausible theory that there is always at least one
fart, primed and ready to go, under a
Caledonian’s kilt. This would explain why
Caledonia is such a blustery part of the egg, and
who can blame them for keeping such a useful
weapon at their disposal? Our tame expert on
the subjects of dangerous colonic emissions, Karl
Morgan, has been known to clear a room in
microseconds. When asked for comment on the
subject, he said ‘Go away Killit, Grandad is busy’.
Perhaps some mysteries are best left unexplored
too closely. Or at least, too closely without
suitable breathing apparatus.