Dated 23rd of the 7th months of 1114
To the Duke of Gloucester,
Now then sir. I want to tell you a story sir, a story that I have to say is all about kindness and good will and all those things youd hope to be getting from friends looking after us when weve been hit with hard times.
These folks around these (gryphon lands) are fabulous, they bring us all kind of fancy things, in particular this particular strong red stuff they call port and some food stuff, which stinks by the way, that once you get it in your mouth kinda makes your screw your face up a lot at first but then it goes all creamy and sweet after a while. Port and Cheese they call it – apparently it’s a big thing here.Anyways, that’s all great and super friendly, but you know what the main problem with Port and Cheese is, sir? Port isn’t Tea sir; its not brown, it doesn’t refresh me after a hard days work and its best served at room temperature rather than supped just after cooling from the boil.
And Cheese sir, well sir, it’s just not cake is it sir? It doesn’t crumble to the touch in a soft satisfying way…if it does crumble it usually just goes bloody everywhere, or worse its soft and I just get it all over me fingers, anyways it’s not sweet, it’s not tangy, its not spongey in that soft fulfilling way, it just stinks sir. Literally.Anyways sir, it’s a bit hotter down here and I can’t complain over some extra sun, but really sir, I’d like to go home soon, to a nice bit of tea and cake.
Dated 27th of the 7th Month of
I know as you probably won’t answer this an all, but I just wanted to write a note to say thank you. With everything thats going on all around the place, I hear little nasty words and harsh comments been said all the time. I thought maybe you ought to know we is thankful for everything youv all done for us. We don’t hate all the nobs, we know you do what you can fer us and me and mine are doing all right here in Carlise and its nice to have so many armed men around lookin out fer us on our own land.
Millie Hobmoor & Sons
Dated 9th of the 8th month of
To the Herald,
Erm, you do know some of us are still down here, right? Some guy with a turban dropped this off to us on his way home and said we might like a read. He’s not bloody wrong!!!
The Lost Woodsmith of Troy!
Dated 20th of the 6th Month of
To the Herald,
This papers right fancy and all that but where the useful information, eh? When do we get to go back to our real homes? Staying in Dollar and Carlisle is all well and good but my farm is South of Colchester and I want to get back to it. Getting reet proper board up here and I aint no fightin man.
Dated 7th of the 8th Month of 1114
Now listen here milord, its all good and well you havin us prep food to be sent down South, but we got plenty of folks still need feedin up here and very little farmin been done. Its bad enough sleeping in tents and having to deal with men walking about in skirts without all our food been sent to some southerns too foolish to get out when they was told. Sort it out!