Mistress Culpeper’s Modern Albione Etiquette

Dear Mistress Culpeper,
Can you please settle an argument for us once and for all. Which is the appropriate knife to stab somebody with?
Curious of West Ruislip
This is a question I am often asked, usually while explaining the finer points of a full place setting for a formal dinner. The answer is a very simple one in itself. A steak knife is used for steak, a fish knife for fish, a butter knife for butter, and therefore the only appropriate knife to use on a ne’er-do-well would be a knife specifically designed for that purpose, such as a dagger or stiletto. It should be noted, however, that to stab a guest at the table is the very height of bad manners, and an absolute fiend for the staff who are then tasked with cleaning the tablecloth. Certain herbs in the Beaujolais are usually quite sufficient to deal with unwelcome guests and should not interfere overly with general laundry duties.