Interview Piece – The Lord Admiral

Who are you?

Dont you know who I am? Ha, just kidding my good man! I’m Lord Admiral Jasper Orlaine, Perfect Master of the Corruptors Guild, High Corruptor of Albion, Lord Commander of the White Tower, Storm lord of Manannan, Orlaine Basking Shark hunting champion of 1108, BS, SSC and GSC. All round humble and nice guy.

What do you want?

The full return of the sundered isles restored to their former glory, Albion cleared of her enemies, and the best  Mauratanian wine on tap in my command room.

Who is your hero?

Me of course, I’ve saved innocents, ended revolts, led soldiers into battle, pulled members of the royal court out  of the fire numerous times…

{{Editor’s note – at this point Jasper spoke for a good ten minutes solid about his various exploits}}

…and all the women swooned.

What’s your biggest flaw?

My Half-Brother, Mathias.

If invited to a banquet which five people would you invite to your table and why?

Oh, I like this question although its rather difficult as there are so many amazing people I have met.

1. The Queen Eloise Hunter, Theres no party without an important person and especially so when that important person can drink  most bears under the table all while looking perfect!

2. Faith Charenten because she is honest, strong of personality, puts up with gypsies and, damn son, have you looked at her!

3.Natalia Melnibone of Ze Family and the Corruptors Guild, she is is one of the most intelligent people i have ever met. She has a smile that wouldn’t just melt hearts but make them explode and men would die just to be at her feet. So, perfect  for making everyone else jealous really.

4.Scarlet, perfect scarlet, all though opposite in our outlooks on channelling Scarlet is one of the most selfless people I have met, I’ve seen her reprimand men for squabling with “that voice” and she likes getting touchy with her healing hur hur

{{Editor’s note – After much discussion about sexual equality and then further discussions describing to Jasper what sexual equality actually means as opposed to what keeps running around his mind, Jasper finally relents and adds a male onto the list instead of his next pick of “all the women ever”}}

5. Theo D’arby, he is a man’s man, those beautiful blue eyes, square jaw, honour without reproach, strong sword arm, perfect buttocks…Ahem…also he is married so wont try to take all the chicks!

If someone could create a magical item for you what would it be?

Hmm, I would have to an amulet of repel as it’s very difficult to walk through some of the slums without, a) being touched by less respectable types and b)it should keep most of the mud and refuse off the boots and tabard.

What is best in life?

Releasing a violent boar in the White Tower and watching the turnips scatter… oh turnips are our affectionate name for

the initiates of the White Tower. Nothing brings me more joy than strapping a chariot to a few of them , mounting it,  and having

a good old hunt around the hallways.

Finally, tea or cake?

Cake, please. The only liquids that should be imbibed are beer, port, and cider – everything else is frankly found wanting.