How to Make Friends and Influence the Wild Fae of Clare
Scrawled in a fit of delusion by Valerian Buckethead Published by Caer Merchandising inc. for Karac the lunatic
“Wild Fae […] live primitive lives, without access to metal working facilities, and thus a gift of metal weapons or armour will often serve to secure passage through their lands.”
– The Tourist Guide to the Dragon Nation, V. Buckethead
The woods of Clare are home to a large population of so-called “Wild Fae”. This lightweight guide is a brief introduction to the ways and customs of this most picturesque and colourful people. And, now, as an added bonus and in an attempt to actually be useful for something, it makes great firelighters too. The Wild Fae are in many ways like the more commonly encountered “Civilized” (or “Tame”) Fae, only more so. Anything that applies to common or garden Fae regarding erratic behaviour, incomprehensible customs or homicidal tendencies is even more true for the Wild Fae. Furthermore in the deepest woods live groups of “elder” Wild Fae, who make the normal sort seem like Harts at a tea party. There is however a single, simple, rule to staying safe from the Wild Fae of Clare – don’t go anywhere near Clare. If you must go then do not meet, talk with, or interact in any way with the Wild Fae, or indeed any inhabitant of Clare. In fact I suggest finding a nice cave, and walling up the entrance except for a small hole for air and food, and remain there for the duration of your stay. This will not only aid you in remaining alive, but will also allow you to experience the best that Clare has to offer the visitor.
Crib sheet for the Wild Fae
The Wild Fae do not have extensive metal working facilities and metal, especially metal armour, is thus a useful gift when meeting Wild Fae for the first time.
It is considered rude to refuse a gift from the Fae. You don’t want to be seen as rude now, do you? As already intimated, gifts of items the Wild Fae do not produce (metal, worked goods and technology) will serve to smooth social discourse.
Food and Drink
Fae in general are known for their hospitality, and it would be foolish to turn down an invitation to a Wild Fae feast – who knows who you might meet on the dinner table. As the Dragon’s guide says “Faerie hospitality is especially renowned – after drinking and feasting with the Fae many guests never leave again.”
Wild Fae lead lonely and isolated lives, and will thus welcome companionship and visitors. Simply wander into the woods, banging your axe on trees as you pass to attract attention and shouting to the Wild Fae as you go, and you will soon have all the undivided attention of all the Wild Fae you could ever need.
Wild Fae do not appreciate having their trees cut down without their knowledge, but with their lack of metal they do welcome the arrival of wandering axe wielders. Any lumberjacks should therefore seek them out at the earliest opportunity to discuss payments and rewards for their services. When felling trees make sure you take the older larger trees (often called “Chieftan Trees”), and leave the young saplings to grow.
Should you wish to know more about this cursed metal, the Wild Fae are the perfect people to ask. Although they may appear shy at first, if you persist they will be happy to share their extensive knowledge of the subject with an enquiring visitor.
This brief guide has been prepared exclusively for the use of Karac Stormcrow. If he is stupid enough to pass it on to anyone else then take it up with him not me, and try not to get the entrails on any valuable fabrics, you know you can never get the stains out. Valerian is most emphatically not responsible for the contents of this guide. Ask anyone, they’ll tell you he isn’t responsible at all.