Heavy Armour, Alcohol & Shield Walls

These are just a few interesting pointers for all those who bought new heavy armour, have a strong body and a strange, uncontrollable urge to charge shield walls.

1. The first thing to remember about charging shield walls is, DON’T!
2. If you overlook point 1, being mad or drunk or both helps.
3. Make sure you have a chin strap on your helmet. Sounds painful but it’s not. There is nothing more embarrassing then losing sight of the enemy as you close the final 20 yards during the final battle. (Trust me I’ve been there.)
4. Never sleep in heavy armour, you’ll ache like a bastard in the morning. Do the simple thing: stay drunk and don’t sleep.
5. Never steal an oriental’s banners, just ask the Gryphons.
6. There is only one form of alcohol abuse and that’s adding too much mixer.
7. Make sure you do the buckles up on your armour. Leaving bits all over the field is bad news.
8. When charging shield walls remember that they’re more scared then you are, they think you know something they don’t and, of course, this is true. You don’t know when to stop.
9. Drinking and guard duty don’t mix, they just compliment each other!
10. When an Oriental asks you if you want Sake, just say ‘yes’ and take what’s coming to you.
11. Don’t wear fur armour near the Beastmen. You could be asked to lunch!!
12. When you get through a shield wall, the hard bit is getting back.
13. When going through a shield wall, make sure it is the other side’s.
14. When going through a shield wall take your own healer (usually kicking & screaming)
15. Sake Bastards do it while it’s Hot!
16. Sake Bastards do not know the meaning of faer, also they can’t spell it.
17. To make heavy armour silent, stuff cotton wool in your ears.
18. If somebody doesn’t understand you, shout louder and slower.
19. The best way to get a drink out of a Viper is stick your fingers down his throat.
20. If in doubt …DRINK!