HAVE YOU SEEN THIS RAT?
The Tease is distressed to report that Depravo Morgan, eldest beloved son of the Baron Of Warwick, has been reported as missing since the final battle of the Gathering Of Nations. This patriotic Hart, poker champion and loyal skathen is sorely missed by many, and a sizeable reward is offered for information leading to his safe return or the punishment of those who have taken him. Anyone with leads should contact the Militia Guild and the Mackintash Trading Collective, where all news will be treated with generosity and complete discretion. (article continues page 2)
Militia doing By our roving crime reporter U.N. Savory It is our happy duty to report that the Militia year, with distinct reductions of unjustified assaults with artefact weapons upon people of higher social standing. These results will doubtless please those who have long supposed that the Militia are just a -eating thugs high on their When approached for comment on this, Guild Grandmaster Darwin was heard swearing loudly through his office door, before our reporter was We can only assume what manner of worm those birds like best. We attempted to reach the pigeon coop to receive further comment, but were dissuaded by the presence of several large armed men and a very long flight of steps that we were warned constituted We then approached Sergeant Urthak, senior NCO of the guild, who had this for us: “What in Tir’s name has that gorra do with anyfing?? Yer wif dat fancy Albione arsehole’s paper, arent ye? Bugger off and find somefing worthwhile to do wit yer life!!” Affairs department. A name you can rely upon! The Tease Hails Brother Ross Pendragon As Lord Protector! In times such as these, there is nothing so important as being able to put your faith and trust behind a worthy name. The Cream Tease greets and welcomes Brother Ross to his new role, a stout reassurance to the people of Albion that they are to be led by one impregnable to corruption, a noble upstanding being to protect our great nation. As our nation places its trust in the Lord Protector when he is most brand prophylactics; staunch against disease, corruption and all Available at Ye Cream Tease while stocks last, to discerning adult buyers! Only 2 gold! – bring a disgusting used johnny back to complain to us.